Exciting news project (11/09/17)

I’m supper excited for this new project.  

I can’t say too much yet. 

But I am looking for writers.. 



I think your all gonna wanna be a part of this.. 

I love this flag!

A slightly wrinkled Transgender pride flag.

Site launce announcement coming soon!


Dear [race] people… (11/5/17)

     Dear,  people who make blanket statements towards others. 
   Stop doing that. Making all incompasing blanket statements is not a good way to get your point across. You alienate more people then you reach. 

Dear [black/white] People.. 

   Race has been scientifically proven to not really exist. So calling a people by racial terms is just plain stupid. 

Yes.. ive done this in the past. I am not perfect. But I’m learning.. 

    Dear activist people. Yes. I do understand that people as a whole still use racial terms to differenciate between people are priecieved to not be of the same race. 
We need to lead the way. 

We need to stop using racial terms.  

1 race. The human race. 

Kansas City (9/16/17) **updated**

Well well well, guess who moved to Kansas City? 

I did! 

On September first, I moved to the Mo. side of Kansas City. 

So far, I’m loving it. 

***Update (9/18)

I’ve been staying fairly busy since I moved. I’m back to donating plasma. Been making art. Spending time with a great friend. Oh, and I went to my 1st KC edition of Taco Tuesday with my friends Z&S. 

Things are going well. 
Meanwhile, back in STL…..

To my chosen family back in STL:

Stay strong, and keep your chin up. This civil unrest in your city won’t last forever. 

I moved across town. Im technically in kck now. But only by like 2 or 3 blocks. 

Gateway Regional Burn 2017 (6-16-17)

As some of you may know, I went camping recently. 

The Gateway Burners annual regional burn is a yearly event. I try to go to most years, but have missed few. So far, I’ve always had a good time. 

If your not familiar with burns, checkout [THIS] site. 

For more info on GWB, click [HERE]

I had several opportunities to DJ over the course of the weekend camp out, and had a hell of a good time doing that! 

This yr, a friend and myself hosted an anti-theme camp, where our camp theme had absolutely nothing to do with the theme of the event, and it worked out pretty decently. 

So, now I’m back in the “default world” and going thru the bookface. Reading the status updates, viewing the videos, enjoying the pictures. And as I reflect on my weekend, and think about MY experience at this event, I come to one conclusion. 

Being on parole has totally fucked up my ability to fully emence myself into this wonderful event, or even really enjoy the stories of the great times had by others at GWRB. 

I’ve been on probation for over 6 years, and that never stopped me from enjoying a burn, or time with friends. But for some reason, even tho I’m even closer to being out from under the states thumb, I’m finding it difficult to truly just be in the moment. 

Parole is supposed to be easier. But its not feeling that way. 

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. 

I hope that, if you attended this, or a similar event recently, that you were able to fully emerce yourself and that you enjoyed your experience to its fullest. 


I have great people in my life. (6-1-17)

So many people to be thankful for, I do not know where to start. 

So, I won’t. 

I’d be remiss if I started to name names, then forgot someone. So I won’t do that. The people know who they are, and how they’ve helped. And to those people, I want to express my gratitude. 

“Saying ‘thank you’ never feels like its enough.”  – Lys

However, that’s exactly what I’m doing here. 

Thank you, friends! 

Thanks for the letters, the pictures, the coloring pages. 

Thank you for answering the calls, & for the fund raising! 

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. 

I’m back! (Wed. 5-24-17) freedom edition.

So, I’ve been gone fore a while. 

Some of you know why. 

For those that don’t, A LOT has happened since Oct 2016. 

(Updated 5\29\17)

In October, I was over $1,000 behind in rent. I was living in a non profit artist loft in south city. I received a “cure or quit” letter from the people whom I paid my rent to. I either needed a lot of cash to own up to my rental contractual obligations plus more for the new months rent, or I needed to move out, so they could rent the space to someone with the money. 

I moved out. I still owe. But circumstances have not been helpful. 

I put out a call for help on the bookface. This girl in Iowa offered me a place to stay for a while, so I could get on my feet and start over a new. 

Well, 4 days into this new arrangement she went batshit crazy & started verbally assaulting me. Then started saying she was going to physically assault me as well. 

I know that, in the eyes of the law, I’m considered to be a man. And she is not. I also understand that %90 of domestic violence cases are, in the eyes of the law, men assaulting women. So, when she made attempts to force a physical altercation, I left the house. 

The way I figured, I’d leave, she’d sober up, then I’d go back and we’d talk thru her issue and all would be well. However, around 5 am, as i was walking to the gas station for a donut & coffee, I was stopped by campus security at the college. 

During their harassment, a Des Moines city cop arrived and assisted the guards in harassing me. They refused to produce any ‘probable cause’ for stopping me, and kept demanding I provide them with my identification, & grant them access to search my person. 

I refused. 
The cop, tired of me knowing my rights, decided he was sick of wasting time. He tackled me to thee ground, and the guards assisted him in contorting my body into 1 unnatural position after another. Finally the cop gut the cuffs on me. 

I did not resist. I simply repeated “I have scoliosis” as he kneed my spine and stepped on my neck. 

After that, I was seated on the curb, in cuffs. No reason given. No probable cause offered. 

The cop started going thru my pockets, no consent for search was requested, or granted. While illegally searching my person, the cop removed everything from my pockets. Including my tablet. For some unknown reason he removed my tablet from it’s case and low and behold my Mo state I.D. and social security card were behind the tablet in the case. 

He proceeded to call in my information. 

Sep 9th 2016, I was scheduled to end probation in MO. Oct I moved to Des Moines IA. 

Mo didn’t end my probation, no one told me. 

I thought it was over, I was wrong. The state of Mo “suspended” my probation and issued a warrent for my arrest for “unlawful use of a weapon”. I was taken into custody, and transfered to the Polk Co Jail in Des Moines. And held for extradition to Mo. 

A week or so later, a transport van picked me up headed the wrong direction. I sat in the back of that van for days. 

Nov 7th I was dropped off at the Jefferson Co. Jail in Hillsboro Mo. and booked for “Failure to Appear”. 

Jan 6th, I went to court for “probation violation – failier to pay” and was sentenced to 3 years in Mo D.O.C. 

The prosecution ‘forgot’ to file their portion of paperwork, so I wasn’t transfered to Diagnostic until Jan 27th 2017. 

March 6th 2017, I was transfered to a forced labor prison facility that Mo calls “Work Release”. 

(Edit June 1st)

And that’s where I remained until I got released on parole on May ²⁴th. 

I’m back in south city now. I’m staying with some friends while I iron out wrinkles of my parole, & find stable work. 

Hopefully I’ll find work soon. 

What now? (10/14/16)

Today has been spent washing cloths, and packing everything I own. I’ve fallen behind in rent and have been asked to vacate. The 30 day notice took almost 20 days to get to me, so I’ve had 9 days to try to find a place to go. When I brought this up, it was ignored. So, I have no choice but to go. 

Luckily, I don’t own a lot of worldly possessions. 

  • About 10 milk crates of cloths n stuff
  • A mini fridge
  • A duffel bag of cloths
  • A backpack of stuff
  • A rubber made tote of cloths
  • My computer
  • Tent
  • 2 bikes

I might set up camp here in the city somewhere, or I may go stay with a friend. She says there is lots of work around there and that I shouldn’t have any problems settling in. 

Maybe I should, 

Just go, 

Get out of this place for a while. 

Get back on my feet & get established.


I’m just so sick and tired of failing at life, fuck! I’m almost 38 years old and still haven’t found whatever it is that most people find in their 20’s that sets them on the path they need to be on to have a happy & successful life. I’m still trying to figure it out. Like, wtf is wrong with me? 

Anyway, I gotta get back to packing and preparing for homelessness. 


Edit addition.. 

“My Friends” – R.H.C.P.

My friends are so depressed
I feel the question of your loneliness
Confide, ’cause I’ll be on your side
You know I will
You know I will

Ex-girlfriend called me up
Alone and desperate on the prison phone
They want to give her seven years
For being sad

I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don’t know yourself

My friends are so distressed
And standing on the brink of emptiness
No words I know of to express
This emptiness

I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don’t know yourself

Imagine me
Taught by tragedy
Is peace

I heard a little girl
And what she said was something beautiful
To give your love no matter what
Is what she said

I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don’t know yourself.

Prolly not the best song to be listening to when one is becomming depressed, while packing their stuff. 

Re edit.. 

So, I just finished a 4 hour phone call, & i’m most defiantly getting excited to go up & stay with the friend. She makes the area and opportunities there sound phenomenal! 

So, Why Not? 

I got cloths and a motorized bike, I’ll look for work, & temp services. And hopefully get a decent foothold in a decent smaller city. 

Life Happens (sat, oct. 8th 2016 5:50am)


Another night of no sleep. 

Just me inside my head. 

Thinking. Planning. Hoping. 

I’m about to be homeless… Again… 

I’ve been up all night ignoring episodes of something, worrying about what the fuck I’m going to do. 

I owe too much to ask anyone for. I couldn’t accept it as a ‘gift’ and I wouldn’t be able to repay it, so I wouldn’t ‘borrow’ it, any way. It sucks too, because I enjoy the place I live, and the stuff they do. And me being over $1,100 behind has only hurt the thing I like. 

Ever the Gawd damn optimist, I am not that freaked out about losing a home, (like maybe I should be) I’m more freaked out about the debt, and how it’ll affect those I’ll be leaving behind. 

So, if you wanna help, I don’t want your money.  

*edit*(But I will take any old camping gear you don’t use any more. Tents, pop ups, chairs, sleeping bags, and cots or hammocks. )

If you have a few bucks, consider making a charitable donation to the place I’m leaving. Its a good place, and good for the local community. 

[donate to C.A.M.P. here]

I don’t want you all to freak out. Or to worry too much. I’m not a tiny person & when I present as male, not too many people try to start any nonsense with me. I’m scouting places to set up a camp already. (if ya know a good spot, msg me.) 

I’m going to get thru this, I’ll be okay. I’m sorry if I let any of you down. I’m really trying my best. 

Anyway, I’ll be careful. 

Love, Alyssa

TheSingle Life (09/27/16)

I’ve been single for quite a while now. Probably the longest I’ve ever been single in my entire life. I will admit that it gets lonely from time to time. But its good too. 

The down side: 

Every time I meet a girl I like, and start talking to her, I find out she either has a bf/gf, or is fresh point of a really fucked up relationship and needs time, or… She’s pregnant and trying to work things out with the daddy.. 

The up side: 

I don’t need to check in with any damn one before I go do a thing. Its nice. No one lying to me, or cheating on me. No one badgering me to do everything their way. 

So, now that I know who I am, I think I’m ready now, to find the right person to share some time with.